My My My Myleene!

Amanda of Oxford has asked me to explain Myleene Klass's need to make her latest declaration in the Daily Mail.  Amanda thinks it's demeaning and I feel a healthy hint of cynicism in her query.  But Ms Klass is very good at ensuring all forms of trivia keep her in the public eye.  This latest revelation is not quite as good as this one but she's not doing badly if you look at her history.  It's a dangerous game making wicked whispers about supposed stars whilst claiming to be an M&S model of discretion.  Why bother to mention the story in the first place?  Because you need the publicity, obviously.  Myleene is one of those safe presenters who gets jobs because she showered in a white bikini and looked good.  Personally I think she must be as boring as hell which is why she has to make dead end pronouncements as unprovable as these to sex herself up. And she's certainly not going to be bringing down Hollywood with her saved texts. What else do you do if you're probably dull as ditch water but need to publicise your shows?  Myleene knows she's just A.N.Other presenter and unless she makes herself press worthy, she has nothing much else to separate her from the crowd.    Besides, there are only so many ways to skin a bikini.

Chris Cross!

I've never actually got the point of Chris Moyles.  He seems like an angry bugger to me most of the time and I don't get his appeal - he's never made me laugh but then again, I don't listen to his show....probably because he's never made me laugh.  Anyhow, Fame Doctor's tastes aside, he has a following and obviously the BBC think highly of him.  Or do they?  After his rant on Radio 1 yesterday, we now know he hasn't been paid for two months and that doesn't smack of respect.  Today apparently, the glitch has been fixed and put down to a problem with new contracts.  All very odd. But does the star have the right to use his show as a grumbling board?  It seems to have done the trick - a drink with the boss and it's sorted. And look at the coverage. Don't we all just love it when someone publicly falls apart? - think Vanessa Feltz on the first Celebrity Big Brother.  Now Chris claims "the reason I got moody in the first place was that I thought no-one cared and nobody was interested. Now I've got the complete opposite reaction."  How sad is that? Having recently split up with his long-term girlfriend, the guy needed to know he was loved.  Bless!?  But who else could get away with telling the world he's not a morning person and keep their job?  Well I hope his popularity is genuine because that is what will save him.  Otherwise, Chris, read up on Sarah Kennedy and take note.

Groundhog day

So you go away for a week and what happens in the world of celebrity?  Nothing.  Well nothing out of the ordinary that is.  Wayne Rooney has his taste for prostitutes exposed and Coleen suffers - but not so much that she won't take him back. It's Groundhog Day (see earlier blog Crouch is Minted)  Big Brother comes to an end and Chantelle and Preston announce they are back together on the cover of OK! magazine. It's Groundhog Day.  Surely, if it was a relationship made to last, they might have resisted the money and concentrated on sorting themselves out behind the scenes? But no.  Bye Bye Chantelle and Preston - and you seemed so genuine in the BB House. George Michael was back in court for driving under the influence.  It's Groundhog Day - but with a twist.  This time he's been denied his 'Get out of Jail Free' card.  But let's be honest, a celebrity in jail for four weeks is a bit like time in the Big Brother House without the cameras.  And judging by the sort of behaviour that goes on in BB, George may be better off where he is - in solitary confinement.  And then he'll come out with an opportunity for reinvention - think Lindsay Lohan. So yeah, another Groundhog Day.  Kelly Osbourne lost weight.  Groundhog Day.  Daybreak broke with Christine and Adrian and is being critically slammed.  Of course it is. See the criticism thrown at any new high profile show hosted by highly paid celebs. Groundhog Day. Given time, it will slip into a regular pace and no one will take any notice any more, unless Christine marries Frank.  And then it will be here we go again with footballer Groundhog Day.  Is celebrity in a never ending groove as when Everything I Do got stuck at number 1 in the charts for ever?  Is there anyone new and exciting out there that I'm missing?  Where are you?

The Hague Treaty

Any wannabes take note!  Today, if you're in the public eye, you are under 24/7 scrutiny whether politician or television personality, film star or internet phenomenon.  Once upon a time, not so long ago, a rumour might have been ignored in the hope it would eventually tire and go away.  Not anymore.  The internet has changed all that and William Hague has set himself up as a prime example of how.  A rumour about his relationship with his special advisor being somewhat more than special has been dealt with the same immediacy as front page news and in far broader a way than would have been polite.  The man decided better to risk turning a whisper into a headline, has denied it categorically and then taken a sledgehammer to it.  Hague has laid his cards firmly on the table in one fell swoop putting the sympathy card right at the top.  He has made the brave decision that it's not good enough just to deny he ever had sexual relations with that man and has covered every possible angle that might risk evolving.   In laying open his entire marital history like a spatchcock chicken he has left no giblet unturned. He has all but given us dates of his sexual activity.... with Ffion, of course.  What were you thinking?  And who can criticise a man/couple who are suffering the sadness of endless miscarriages?  Hague is hoping no one.  So, let's hope for the sake of any dignity he has left, he is right.  How sad that nothing can ever be private anymore.  Please please oh multimedia....spare us those dates and now you've outed him, let him get on with his job.

Bye Bye Big Brother!

Even the winner of the final official run of Big Brother has decided she's had enough of it.  Josie Gibson has left Ultimate Big Brother saying the place was closing in on her.  She's had it up to here with her new 'celebrity' housemates who have taken up squatters rights in her 'normal' world.  Seriously? Yeah really.  She doesn't consider herself a celebrity (isn't that why they go in there in the first place, for their 15 minutes?) and has got out sharpish before the real celebs (you decide!) made her completely paranoid about her on off BB lover, John James. God help her!  Nothing will be normal for Josie for at least....well the next month or so.  JJ - I'm afraid I'm with Nadia (I love Nadia and her tell it like it is attitude) - will only be interested whilst the cameras are around.  Not that I watched BB before the Ultimate started (bit dull at the moment but should hot up) but it's easy to see what JJ is all about.  Josie should have hung on in there to watch what happens when you fall in love in the house and then out of love as soon as you get out.  Chantelle and Preston are the perfect template.  Bless her, poor Chantelle.  Can't stop crying. Still loves her ex husband and it's fairly clear he still thinks she's...well, sweet but maybe not marriage material.  Preston summed it up when drying the poor girl's tears over the teasing, telling her that for their housemates it's just another story whereas for them it was an actuality.  And therein lies the rub.   Sometimes, when you're in the goldfish bowl of fame, it becomes hard to find what's real and what isn't.  And when you are thrust into the limelight for no particular talent, it becomes even harder.  Like Josie, I'll be glad to see the back of the show that changed celebrity forever.  Let the stardust fall on the talented and let the rest of us live happily ever after reading about their smoke and mirror lives in OK!

Out of the Woods

Good for Elin Nordegren ex wife of Tiger Woods, who has given an elegant and honest interview to People Magazine.  She says it is her first and last and she sounds like a woman of her word, unlike her ex husband. There is always a dilemma as to whether it's a good idea to 'do the interview' and this is a fine example of how to do it and why.  Over this past year, Elin would have been being bombarded with offers asking her to tell her side.  Having seen the divorce settled she has finally done the deed thus putting to bed all the intrigue and after an initial flurry of heightened interest, she will have drawn a line under this affair(s) once and for all.  She can now go back into a degree of anonymity with her head held high and can get on with her life and being a mother if no longer a wife.  Elin will move on from this in a far healthier way than Tiger ever will.  Good for her and yes she has a huge settlement but to quote her, "Money doesn't make you happy. ... But I have to be honest: It is making some things easier. I have the opportunity to be with my children as much as I want."  She is an example to all our Wags.

I'm Done with The One Show

So I finally get to watch the new pairing of Jason Manford and Alex Jones.  Since it's still early days, I'll be gentle......Dull! Dull! Dull!  Yes, they can do the job perfectly adequately but these two are sterile and lacking in chemistry.  Like oil and water, they are working entirely independently of one another with no sense of cohesion.  It's lucky The One Show is bigger than them but how much more enjoyable would it be to watch a pair of presenters who gel?  Sexual chemistry is a rare commodity and Jason and Alex have proved it.  Get down and dirty with one another guys and you might stand a chance of keeping us interested.  However, my hunch is that once Adrian and Christine have their own Daybreak debut scrutinised for a week, all four of these over publicised lacking-in-personalities will be quickly forgotten.