The fabulous Baker Boy!

Matt Baker is the ultimate example of how Strictly Come Dancing can propel you upwards in the BBC if you prove to be a popular choice.  About to dance for his life in the Strictly final, he is also to be confirmed as the new presenter of The One Show, replacing the controversial Jason Manford whose tweets proved to be his swan song - must have been a blessing, he was totally out of place.  But what it also proves is the difference between male and female success on television.  If you're male, you have to be squeaky clean - think Phillip Schofield - in order to have a long career.  Once Matt is off Strictly, he will probably settle in to The One Show and the press interest will subside and his career will do the reverse.  For a bloke, lack of press interest is ok.  However, if you're female, forget it.  To be successful on the small screen you have to get publicity all the time!  It's rare for a female presenter to be  allowed a long career without making sure she's constantly in the papers and magazines.  Look at Cheryl and all the female acts on X Factor.  Jordan only exists because of her coverage, likewise Kerry Katona.  Even a safe player like Holly Willoughby has to make controversial statements about her sex life to keep herself interesting.  Either that or flaunt her curves regularly.  The women have to turn up at every award ceremony the men....well, whenever they fancy.  Never mind ageism on the telly, with or without wrinkles, it is definitely different for girls.

What's going on?

Loved Gillian McKeith fainting before Sunday's bush tucker trial.  Give the woman an Oscar.  Anyone with a fear of creepy crawlies who enters this Australian jungle has got to be desperate.  Or deluded.  Or, in Gillian's case, possibly both. There is no other reason for her to be doing I'm A Celebrity than for the money and a career revival.  After all, she's hardly doing a Katie Price and 'facing her fears'.  The nutritionist won't have got top dollar but it will certainly have revived her career - although not in the way she intended.  Gillian will be a must-have on every celebrity panel and game show going.  She has become a laughing stock without having a clue that she's the joke.  What great telly!

Now back to X Factor.  I would really like to know why Simon is so desperately keen on keeping the new Waity Katie (the other one no longer has to wait!).  It can't just be because she gets publicity.  His appeal to the public on her behalf on Saturday's show was out of character. So what has Simon got planned for this woman who on Saturday turned into an elf? And who styled the poor girl?  I know it's become panto but surely making her look like one of Santa's little helpers is taking it too far?  Katie is still there because that's where Simon wants her.  He can't manipulate the public vote but he can manipulate everything else.  I'm absolutely convinced the judges know who is in the bottom two before the sing off starts and which one got the least votes.  If I'm right, then the saving of Katie over Aidan the week before last was assured before Aidan even opened his mouth and gave a wow performance.  In my view, the judges couldn't be seen to be saving this Waity Katie AGAIN so they let it go to deadlock knowing the public had already sealed Aidan's fate on their behalf.    Aidan fans must have believed he was a finalist certainty and were lax in their vote. A total shocker and a reminder that no one is safe. Except for Wagner.  Seriously, Paije over Wagner? Now what's that all about?

Waissel of space

Oh Katie Waissel!  I thought you were so cute on X Factor when you started, felt sorry for you when all the creeps came out of the woodwork selling their stories about you.  But then....quickly came to realise you were more manipulative than all of them put together.  Katie is a dangerous player.  She's a high maintenance diva before she even has the right to say "I'd like a glass of water in my dressing room please"!  Yesterday it was claimed she had yet another meltdown and held up filming of the Christmas single.  If you look back at Katie's history she's constantly having meltdowns. Katie's fall back position when things aren't going her way is to cry, gasp for breath and hope we'll melt.  It makes me do the reverse. How does this bode if she ever becomes a star (by default)?  Nightmare!  If the producers have any sense, they will uphold their claim and take her off the show.  But they won't because she gets too much press.  Maybe the British public will do their job for them this weekend?  

The prostitution of Wayne

So he's staying at Man U.  It was simply just a game of ransom and Wayne won.  Or did he?  Because, in PR terms, it was an expensive mistake.  Huge!  How can you justify the amount of money the guy is going to earn  in a climate where everyone else is feeling the cuts?  Wayne has self harmed.  Unless he proves he's worth it, he is going to be the most hated man on the pitch.  And frankly, is anyone worth that kind of money?  Particularly someone so ugly - and that statement is neither harsh nor irrelevant in this ball game.  Beckham earns a fortune because he's a beautiful player on and off the pitch.  Money and grooming may help Susan Boyle but Wayne is not going to improve with money, grooming or age.   My wonder is whether his now infamous agent, Paul Stretford knows he's about to lose most of his endorsements and is covering his losses with the one deal Wayne can keep.  But big bucks will not make this guy happy and my punt is it won't be long before he's caught with his pants down - and this time he'll be paying for it in more ways than one!

The Wayne In Spain

So Wayne Rooney is leaving Manchester United and no one's quite sure why.  Except for Wayne but he's yet to give his side of the story.  Now I'm not really interested in football but I gather the guy's a genius on the pitch, if somewhat off form of late.  I guess that means that Manchester United's loss is going to be someone else's gain.  Or does it?  Set football aside, he's no Beckham and Coleen is no Posh.  There's something of the Coronation Street about them and unlike the Beckham's, no amount of grooming seems to make them any more appealing.  When Becks allegedly had an affair, it was almost upmarket compared to Wayne's grubby dalliances with hookers young and old.  Somehow that makes me feel that if he follows Beckham's lead and goes to the mooted Real Madrid, that will be the end of the Rooneys as we know them. Wayne might prove himself on the pitch but I just can't see the Spanish falling in love with them, or our interest in this couple continuing across the border. Out of sight will mean out of mind and then what happens to all those endorsements?  The Rooneys should not choose Spain unless they fancy some downtime but somehow I don't think that's part of their game plan.  Least of all Coleen's.  And if Wayne goes and she stays, I'm not sure absence will make the heart grow fonder......

The Xposure Factor

All the controversy surrounding this series of the X-Factor is a fantastic example of how fame deals its hand and any wannabes should take note!  Firstly, every single article written about a contestant, good or bad, is great publicity for the show and only the show.  For the young people concerned whether Katie Waissel who is being dealt the cruellest hand or Cher who is getting a slightly easier ride, not all publicity is good publicity and bad press can be extremely tough to handle. And as for Game over Gamu, it's not exactly been a walk in the park.  This high level of exposure used to take years to attain and therefore allowed plenty of time for talent to be groomed and prepared.  These guys however are being instantly thrown to the wolves so I hope they are getting masses of support from the PR teams behind the scenes.  They will need it.  It's horrible to read vile comments about yourself no matter how long in the tooth you are and these X Factor contestants are just kids.  They now know the price of fame and its a high one.  And this is just the beginning.  For Gamu, fame must have left a very bitter taste.  Let's hope the rest of them have a steely core and that they are judged on talent alone and not on the judgements pronounced in column inches. With apologies for dodgy background colouring - not sure what's happened!

My My My Myleene!

Amanda of Oxford has asked me to explain Myleene Klass's need to make her latest declaration in the Daily Mail.  Amanda thinks it's demeaning and I feel a healthy hint of cynicism in her query.  But Ms Klass is very good at ensuring all forms of trivia keep her in the public eye.  This latest revelation is not quite as good as this one but she's not doing badly if you look at her history.  It's a dangerous game making wicked whispers about supposed stars whilst claiming to be an M&S model of discretion.  Why bother to mention the story in the first place?  Because you need the publicity, obviously.  Myleene is one of those safe presenters who gets jobs because she showered in a white bikini and looked good.  Personally I think she must be as boring as hell which is why she has to make dead end pronouncements as unprovable as these to sex herself up. And she's certainly not going to be bringing down Hollywood with her saved texts. What else do you do if you're probably dull as ditch water but need to publicise your shows?  Myleene knows she's just A.N.Other presenter and unless she makes herself press worthy, she has nothing much else to separate her from the crowd.    Besides, there are only so many ways to skin a bikini.