Keeping up with the Joneses

I'm fascinated by the daily appearance of Catherine Zeta Jones in the Mail.  First things first - I love the elegantly tied poop bags.  Genius!  Secondly, these shots are so posed - they are not pap shots.  Thirdly, do the Mail think something's amok in the Douglas-Jones household?  Otherwise, why bother with her?  She's simply not that interesting and nor are her dodgy outfits.

Who's the One?

So the Beeb has forced Christine's hand huh.  What did I tell ya?!  It's interesting to read the comments from readers.  Not one complimentary.  Is she as popular as ITV believe?  It doesn't look like this smug bleating has done her any good other than financially although don't believe the offers quoted - the money isn't around.  Anyhow, good luck Christine with the early mornings and I hope the shiny floor shows included in your new deal are decent ones.

So who's going to get The One Show?  Not Myleene Klass for sure, despite the Mail on Sunday's puff piece.  Did anyone see her when the show first started?  She was a woodentop.  Might they surprise us with someone original who's worth the gig?  It'll be nice to see them go elsewhere than the usual safe suspects.  However....with the co-host being comedian Jason Manford, I imagine they will need a pair of safe hands who knows how to drive this kind of show. And who will get on with Chris Evans on a Friday.  Ooooh.  Tough one.  Any thoughts?

Lorraine vs Christine?

So someone at the BBC has decided they've had enough of Christine Bleakley having the upper hand in negotiations. Christine has been bleating that she just doesn't know which way to turn - to the millions on offer from her current employers or the millions from ITV whose offer must also include working with Adrian Chiles (the man who made her look good in the first place, with whom she now shares an agent, having dumped her previous one by text - nice one Christine!)  Obviously not wishing to be dumped by text and fed up with by being forced to wait on the sidelines by this WAG, the Beeb have brought on their own star player - a certain Lorraine Kelly.  Lorraine is the one that got away - twice!  She survived the death of TV-am and now the cull at GMTV, having miraculously been offered a revamp of her longstanding add on show.  Like Christine, she is a safe, white bread presenter so a clever choice of weapon...... but I don't believe a word of it.  Read the last line on the link in the Daily Mail piece - it's a total giveaway.  Will it put a boot up Christine's bum?  I do hope so.  She's been looking rather smug recently but won't want to risk letting the ball slip through her fingers.  Personally, I can't see her committing to those early hours but the leverage has served her well.  So far.  There's always a tipping point....and now it looks like a 1-1 draw.

She exists!

There you are Francine!  Where have you been hiding?  Ronan Keating's alleged fling has finally shown her face other than the one in Spotlight.   So now it could get interesting.  Was Francine holding out for all Ronan's breathy promises?  Has it just registered that those promises were simply hot air?  Yes, this is the third time I've written about this woman (June 3, May 24), only because I have never seen a high profile star's alleged affair evolve in this low profile way. According to the Mirror Francine's not making any comment.  That's never stopped the press making their own comments and following her doggedly.  But Francine appears to have avoided all the usual pitfalls and held her countenance for an impressive amount of time.  Could this pretty blonde really be the one that got away?  No kiss and sell?  Watch this space.  And then I promise, I'll let her go!

Going underground

Ok so I'm fascinated by this one.  In my earlier post about Ronan Keating (Keating's Rollercoaster could get worse - May 24) I was pretty sure that Francine Cornell, the dancer he was said to be having an affair with, would be selling her story to one of the red tops.  I was convinced she would be being pestered and pursued by paparazzi.  But no.  Nothing.  Not a photo, not a comment, not a peep.  Where has this woman gone?  Has she been paid off?  Has she gone underground? How can everyone have forgotten about her?  This never happens.  Think Rebecca Loos and countless others.  Now I'm not suggesting Francine would be looking to make a career out of her affair but to disappear without a trace and without a hint of interest.  That is an amazing feat.  Or is the best yet to come?  Does anyone know what's happened to Francine the unseen?

Forgive Fergie?

I know I'm a bit slow off the mark on this one.  I've been too hooked on BGT (see last post!).  But Fergie - what to do with her?  She's a Rolls Royce of a car crash and my word, was she driving well over the limit, or what?  Before seeing this footage, I had no sympathy for a woman who came across as a greedy idiot using her royal credentials as a begging bowl.  But the News of the World film reveals a sad soul who needs help least of all for the sake of her two daughters.  She obviously enjoys the good life beyond her means and for that she deserves a reality check.  But then she thought she was a princess only to discover she was worth a mere £15,000 a year.  That's not a settlement, that's an unsettling insult.  If Andrew wants to do the right thing by his ex-wife, who by all accounts he still adores, then he should give her a proper reality cheque, enabling her to straighten herself out and cut her cloth accordingly - think cotton not ermine.  If after that she still gets herself into debt, then she deserves every ounce of scorn poured on her and every scam she will inevitably fall for.

Suffering for their talent?

I am already hooked on Britain's Got Talent.  I hate myself for it.  I used to proudly hate BGT as opposed to myself, but then I missed the Subo moment and despite youtube, I would have liked to have seen it live.  So now I'm signed up fulltime - God Bless Sky+.  I'm not sure whether the Gorgeous Granny will win (Subo didn't).  I have a feeling it will go to Spelbound who are extraordinary.  If that's the case, it will be the healthier outcome because apparently Gorgeous Granny just wants to carry on singing in pubs and clubs.  We should let her - she's no Susan Boyle.  It will be some years before that happens again because Subo took us by surprise and now we're waiting for that surprise. A watch pot never boils.  If Spelbound win, then like last year's winners Diversity they will be allowed to enjoy talent over column inches because not everyone captures the media's imagination in order to warrant a hounding.  Ben MacIntyre in today's Times believes 'today it's hard to stop paying the price of fame'.  That's a myth.  Those who are forever in the media are really few and far between and they court it.  They know that the more coverage, the bigger the offers, the higher the fees and they just can't help themselves.  They get hooked on the fame, the money, the adulation, even the vilification because anything is better than being ignored.  The classic example of this is Katie Price, a woman who doesn't exist without the media.  She may moan, but she won't know what to do once they and we get tired of her (please!),  She doesn't know what to do now, choosing to marry in a rushed, desperate way just to keep her car crash going.  Kerry Katona follows in her wake.  According to MacIntyre, Susan Boyle is suffering for the lack of privacy and for a while that will be true.  But that while will be her choice.  If she really hates it, she can stop recording albums.  She's enough money now for several lifetimes.  She's the one who could go back to the pubs, given some time out of course.  But she won't because she too is hooked.  Don't feel sorry for her.  Don't pity the fact that she has to have guards outside her two up two down.  She's choosing every bit of it.  She dreamed the dream and even though it may throw up the occasional nightmare, my hunch is she has no intention of waking up.