Blood on the GMTV sofa

So Adrian Chiles is the new signing at GMTV.  Looks like many casualties will be queueing up outside the fame doctor's surgery any minute now!  Oh hark!  There was Andrew Castle's knock.  Practise tennis on the Wii Andrew whilst I discuss Adrian first.  Thanks love!

Chiles may have a comfortable cardigan face but apparently it buttons up a difficult bugger with a huge ego who will want to make his mark immediately and won't suffer fools.  By making his mark I mean he'll be keen to show who's boss on that old sofa and no one will be allowed equal billing until they have proved themselves - think Christine Bleakley and remember Myleene "I look inKredibly unKomfortable next to Adrian" Klass, dear follower.  That's if you can remember her on The One Show, she was so quickly consigned to the outtakes bin.

Adrian has been used to throwing his weight around.  My advice to any of the original gang left by the time of his arrival, is stay well clear for a bit. Do not mention the words "Well we usually do it this way." This is not a man to be bothered about endearing himself to anyone.  He will have a lot to prove and will still be feeling undermined by the Chris Evans "don't bother to turn up it's Friday" debacle.

I imagine him doing a lot of shouting and throwing squinty eyed glares in the first few months whilst he metaphorically pees on his territory.  He's not a team player unless he's team captain; the sort of bloke who expects people to join him in the staff canteen but only if invited.  Who will never ask if you mind if he sits with you.  He'll be building his own gang, making GMTVites feel highly privileged if bestowed with his gaze.  I can see it now - visualise with me please dear follower - Emma Crosby, Kate Garraway et al hovering with their trays dripping with coffee, waiting for that split second when he looks up from his Ben Shephard's pie and gives the nod that says "Yes! Be seated."  Oh the relief as they are allowed to share a bit of table space with him and listen to his pearl buttons of wisdom.  He will be the king of the Castle - no Andrew, I didn't say you could come in yet darling! - having eaten everyone else for breakfast.  Not my friend Richard Arnold though.  He wont be anyone's breakfast and is brilliant enough to ignore Adrian's pissy signals and sit with him whether he likes it or not.  Plus he'll have old cardigan mask laughing in no time and we all know that laughter is the best password when you don't know the official one!

Anyhow, bad temper aside, from the front of house point of view, I think Adrian is a genius signing.  I know retro is all the rage but that sofa has looked too Eighties for too long.  Even Emma, the newest kid on the block, makes me think I'm watching repeats of TV-am (1983-1993 for those who no longer recall).  Hopefully Adrian will bring his metrosexual cardigan appeal to the sofa, will be less bouffant than Andrew (yes, that's something that needs to be discussed darling if you've still got your glass propped against my door!) although he does risk the look of permanent boredom which getting up at an ungodly hour won't help.

When I shared the sofa a couple of years ago whilst a judge on Sofa Factor (highly forgettable, I know), Ben Shephard looked bored and exhausted in between takes and didn't bother to engage with anyone on the sofa other than when the camera was rolling. Andrew however was a complete delight (I can hear him jumping up and down outside).  Yes darling, you were totally charming and sure to be missed.  I really liked Kate too - she was chatty and friendly which I wasn't expecting.  Fiona, on the other hand, was only interested in whether I had hair extensions - it's all mine honestly.  Back then there was such a sense of ease about the whole place it made it a very relaxing environment for novices like me.   That ease will disappear with the arrival of Mr Chiles - but maybe that's not a bad thing.  They need to put a rocket up the ratings.

Ok, Andrew, you can come in now.  Oh you haven't sprained your shoulder on that Wii have you?  Sit down and relax whilst I ask the readers whether they will be pleased to see Chiles and if they think it's time to wave goodbye to the old familiar faces? Oh do stop crying, dear.....