The whY Factor

As in why is it that I just don't believe the pairing of Simon Cowell and Mezghan Hussainy? To me, it all seems just a little bit too contrived and perfect. He hits 50 and suddenly after years of being a bachelor boy, stacking up interchangeable trinkets on his arm like a Pandora bracelet, he's now decided he wants a commitment ring! Naturally she of the exotic unspellable name is very beautiful so makes him feel good - tick box. She does his make-up so guaranteed to make him look good - tick box (can't someone please do the man's hair?). And she's not an alpha female so no competition there - tick box. But did you see that kiss on Jay Leno? It spoke volumes. In fact, it didn't speak, it screamed. Uncomfortable and deeply unsexy, it made me cringe with embarassment.

The last time I felt like that about a screen kiss was watching the ITV dating show Mr Right. It was the day of the final show and I was with my client Ulrika Jonsson who was the host. So that Ulrika could be clued up before the live recording, we were being played the moment of truth when the appropriately named Mr Right - Lance Gerrard-Wright - chose his winning lady. It was gripping. Having just done the big build up and let down the first finalist, he walked into the room where the other finalist waited with fraught anticipation. He sat down next to her and announced the good news. She was the winner he grinned, at which point he leaned forward and kissed her in the most clumsy and passionless schoolboy fashion so much so that I burst out laughing - much to Ulrika's disgust. For those of you who were amongst the millions that never tuned in, I should inform you that at this point the winner proved less than delighted, told him that she had been chosen out of necessity rather than desire and was therefore not interested. She walked! The rest of course is history. Lance married the host meaning he may have lost the game but he thought he'd won the lottery!

Anyhow, the point is, that astute winning/losing lady had her every suspicion confirmed simply by the body language of Lance's kiss. Simon Cowell's kiss mirrored it. Of course, it could be passed off as his discomfort at showing intimacy in front of a camera but my feeling is it comes from the same place as Mr Right's - out of necessity rather than desire. Does Mr Cowell feel it's time he proved he can settle down? Has someone advised him that it will do his image good? My prediction is that he will follow in the footsteps of one George Clooney and that this wedding day will never materialise. Either that or, as the date looms, Mr Cowell is going to become ever more difficult and moody as his discomfort bubbles to the surface like an unpronouceable Icelandic volcano. The wedding could be delayed for years so it's lucky Meg's going to be waiting in the first class lounge. And if they do ever walk down the aisle, I'll still be incredulous. Our Simon is obviously a keen builder of empires but Ms Hussainy may just prove to be uncharted territory.