A new Dawn

Welcome to my surgery Dawn French! Oh dear. Now, let's be honest, this whole break up has got nothing to do with the alleged one night fling with 'the blip' - that's Merri Cheyne to you and me, dear reader. According to both Lenny and the blip, nothing happened other than a long long looonnnng into the night discussion. Haven't you ever had one of those? You know, one of those wonderfully long discussions with someone which continues into their bedroom over a bottle or five of wine and goes on all night but is purely charming and innocent, if not slightly intense - because actually, there's no sexual chemistry. The sort that automatically gets labelled by friends as "Oh yeah! And I'm the Queen of England" or possibly less polite expressions of disbelief.

No Dawn? Oh well. Anyhow, it happened 11 years ago. Get over it! The truth is, if this had been so damaging, you would have ended the marriage way back when, never mind wanting to protect Billie. Because, admit it, Billie has been a great excuse for not doing something far too scary - admitting that your marriage has run out of steam and there's no one to blame but yourselves.

The sort of split that you're having with Lenny looks terribly polite and civilised - apparently you're all on a family holiday together to 'protect Billie'. But this type of break up is normally brought about because no one wants to be the bad one and it screams loud and clear that you haven't had sex for a very long time! Now, I'm making a bold presumption because I have been nowhere near your bedroom but I reckon, Dawn, that your need to boast about fat girls being the best in bed was actually a cry for help. It was shouting "Lenny! Don't you remember how it was? It can be like that again! Honest darling. Let's just light a few candles, drink some wine and we'll get there." I don't think those candles have been lit for a very long time, have they Dawn? Nothing to do with 'the blip'. More to do with the fact that you and Lenny are probably the "best of friends" and...well, best friends don't have sex do they? Am I right? I'll put my money on it.

You've probably got paparazzi hanging around, waiting to see if there is anybody else on the scenes despite your denials. I'm sure there's no one else and in fact my advice to the paps, to avoid wasting time, is to watch how your weight goes. If it drops off but makes you look sad, there's no one but Mr Angst around. If it drops off and you start to glow, get in there paps! There may well be love blossoming. I do hope so Dawn and I hope it comes soon. Because I think you are a fabulous woman and you deserve it.