Kerry & Peter

Sophie of Hoxton has asked that I bring Kerry Katona and Peter Andre into my surgery. She doesn't understand the conundrum that is their alleged relationship. Well just today The Star has had to print a retraction stating that they may have over stated the case. That said, their misinterpretation is not without some foundation. Behind the scenes, the first thing to understand is that Kerry has just signed with Peter's agent - the very talented Claire Powell, uber controller of her clients' public profiles. Claire was the agent who turned Jordan into Katie Price. Under Claire, Katie Price became the nation's darling. Now that Katie has left her stable she has returned to her original incarnation of Jordan trotting pretty much single handedly around her own stable and desperately trying to keep hold of the slippery reigns.

By contrast, Peter has remained firmly attached to Claire's lunge line and has come out as Mr Good Guy, the sort of bloke your mother will love - depending on your mother - mine would send him packing! - a genuine good geezer. What better move for the rehabilitation of Kerry to put her together with the Good Guy and let the press guess the rest? The Star did their job but got over excited so got no thanks but at least Kerry is on her way. Watch now how her every move will be covered by the paparazzi. The compliant tabloids will happily print the shots of her kissing children, dolphins and even frogs. She will do endless interviews and clever photo shoots about how she is now clean and determined to re-establish her lost career - if not for her sake then for the sake of her children. Let's not forget the children - in fact let's repeatedly not forget the children! She will parrot every cliche necessary to win back the hearts of her lost fans. If Claire has to put her together with Peter in the future - and let's face it both of them will need the exposure - then she will and it's up to the press how they chose to play along with this game. Because that's what it is even if it is playing with people's lives - not forgetting that these two are willing players.

What's really going on in Peter's mind we will probably never know because I imagine he will stay with Claire for the duration of his career. As to Kerry. Well the test will be how long she can stay on the wagon. She needs the money so she will undoubtedly do exactly as instructed.... for now. The real test for both her and Claire will be what happens if she becomes successful again. She was a coke addict which means she will always have the DNA of an addict. Will she be forever in Claire's debt and stick to the rules? Or will she fall foul of the celebrity disease of blurred perception believing that ultimately her recovery was all of her own making? If so, we will sadly be watching the car crash all over again.